27.08.2024

So this year has been an absolute drag and at the same time it flew right past me. I am afraid of the time lost and the time I will lose. Last time I wrote on this site I spoke of stress and the death of my grandmother. Since then I have moved. My room is still packed I haven't had the strength or courage to unpack.

Since the last time we spoke two more people I knew has died. There is a sorrow in me that runs amongst my blood and I do not see it going away soon. I pray for something beyond myself but it has not shown up.

I do not like letting this despair sit inside me and everyday I try to use it as fuel, to push myself forward, to push myself upwards. With all this tragedy I have been gifted a certain sense of clarity. I feel it wash the dirt of my previous worries and greivences. I refuse to let this hold me down any longer.

By the time your reading this my plan is already in motion, I've let myself take it slow and somehow its worked more akin to a miracle than my own personal perseverance. Something in me has been irrevocably changed. Now I just need to find out what and how I can work with it. I'm done fighting myself.